What does being a mom and brownies have in common? They are both SWEET!
Today is my first born daughter’s birthday. Her 25th Birthday to be exact. Happy Birthday Alyssa Rae!
25 Years ago I became a mom.
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| Alyssa Rae at 6 months….pull out the camera and she smiles |
The road to motherhood started out rocky for me because after an almost perfect pregnancy, with only first trimester nausea to mar the experience, the weeks before our baby’s birth was full of uncertainty, which would shadow her first year on earth.
In week 34 of my pregnancy, I was having some cramping and didn’t feel well. My doctor sent me to the hospital where they did some fetal testing along with an ultrasound. In those days, (1990) having more than two ultrasounds performed during a pregnancy was unusual, so I was a bit concerned. That concern blew into anxiety when the ultrasound tech had a look of deep concentration on her face. Also, she took much longer than what I felt was a normal time frame to check on our baby’s growth and well being.
The next day my Dr’s office called and asked if I could come in. At that moment, what had been an idyllic pregnancy, turned into a nightmare. My Dr. told me that our baby had dilated ventricles in her brain but that was all she could say at that point. She didn’t want to speculate on the cause or how it may impact our child, until there was further testing done. She had arranged for us to see a fetal diagnostic specialist at Grace Hospital (Now called the B.C. Woman’s Hospital) in Vancouver.
We had the weekend to digest what this could mean. The first thing I did after talking to my Dr. was visit the library. Remember, this way in the day when you couldn’t just Google information. At the library, I discovered that babies born with dilated ventricles in the brain often had conditions like hydrocephalus.
“Hydrocephalus is one of the most common congenital anomalies affecting the nervous system, occurring with an incidence of 0.3 to 2.5 per 1,000 live births. Traditionally, hydrocephalus is detected and treated after birth with a shunting procedure. However, with the advent of high quality prenatal ultrasonography, ventricular enlargement is now routinely diagnosed in-utero. This knowledge has facilitated obstetric care but presents a source of uncertainty for families and a challenge for the team counselling parents regarding a prognosis for the fetus.”
I drove home crying. How had this happened to our baby? I was young and in perfect health and my pregnancy had been text book. I was also anxious that every moment we waited to see a specialist, meant irreparable damage to our baby’s brain could be occurring.
My husband and I clung to each other over the weekend and after I told my mom about having to go to Vancouver for testing, (which was a BIG deal in those days) I grew more concerned. She contacted her church and had our baby placed on their prayer list. To be put on a prayer list to me, meant things were really serious. You know when you are living a nightmare it’s almost surreal but other people’s reaction to your life often puts things into perspective.
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| This is a little angel in our house that reminds me of this time. |
Our 8 hour car trip to Vancouver (before the connector was built) was uneventful and quiet although occasionally I would break the silence by asking David, “it’s going to be okay, right?” When we arrived at Grace hospital, we sat in the waiting room filled with other couples. Woman at varying stages of pregnancy sat everywhere. Suddenly, I realized that I wasn’t alone with my fears for the health of our baby. This was a Universal connection. It was the first time being pregnant I realized I was on the precipice of joining a selective group of women.
Moms!
The head of the neonatal testing and diagnostic department, Dr. D. F. Farquharson,, met with us and put us at ease right away. We knew we were in good hands as he carefully communicated what we were facing and what they would be looking for. I tried to relax and even thought, heck, he teaches at the University of B.C. so he probably sees situations like ours all the time. After an extensive ultrasound, he guided us to see other specialist. We met with a genetics counselor, we had blood drawn. Finally, late in the day we met with a Neurosurgeon who was amazing. I’ll never forget Dr. Cochrane asking us what level of education we had, presumably so he knew how to pitch the situation. Although, that may sound condescending, he wasn’t at all. The whole team wrapped us gently in care during our time at Grace Hospital.
At the end of the day, there was no conclusive diagnoses. Our baby was too large, at 34 weeks to be able to be seen clearly via ultrasound and to determine what was causing the dilated ventricles. They thought they had ruled out spina bifida however, since her spine appeared in tact. It was suggested that we do an amniocentesis to determine if our baby’s lungs were mature. If they were, it was advised to induce labour early and deliver her, at which time the team could diagnose properly and treat her condition. We agreed to the amnio, which was performed by our Dr. F with great compassion and ease. Although we were still scared, we had a team caring for us and there was comfort in that.
Since it was going to take a few days to get the results we drove back to the Okanagan to wait. The next week was excruciating. I spent many hours just praying for the health of our baby. It was decided that I would officially start my maternity leave from work. If I had continued to work, I wouldn’t have been able to focus anyway. Interestingly, for many years I had been working as an Insurance Agent, processing many types of unemployment insurance claims. A good percentage of them being, maternity UI claims. It felt strange to apply for my own claim several weeks earlier than I had planned.
Several days later, we got a call from Grace Hospital. Our baby’s lungs were mature. They wanted to induce on Monday. We also were asked if we wanted to know our baby’s gender and of course we said yes. We felt really privileged to know ahead of the birth. This was not the standard for the day. Apparently, one couple had been told a certain gender during an ultrasound and it turned out to be wrong. They sued the hospital. So at the time, the policy in our Province was to not divulge gender prior to birth.
As we packed for our trip, the thoughts that our baby was a “girl” suddenly made her more real. Although, we had thought for sure we were having a boy and had even painted the nursery mostly pale blue with fluffy clouds and sweet teddy bears, I had purchased a few tiny gender neutral sleepers and those were the ones I packed. On the trip to the coast, I flipped through a baby name book as David drove and we tried out every girl name in the book. We finally had settled on either Ashley or Alyssa.
I liked Alyssa. It was Greek which said, ancient to me and the meaning was perfect. In the book we were using, Alyssa, meant, “a woman who thinks and rationalizes for herself.” We liked the idea of a strong brain. Also, Alyssa sounded great with our last name, “Reynolds.” Something about the “s’s flowed. We chose Rae for her middle name after my step-dad, John (Bud) who had been a wonderful second father to me and sadly had died when I was 25. His middle name was Ray, but we were thinking of giving her the feminine version. Rae. Alyssa Rae Reynolds…A. R. Reynolds….the more we said it it sounded right.
Although, I haven’t been able to find the same meaning to her name anywhere else since then, this name was meant for our daughter. Here is something I just Googled and I had to laugh as it describes our Alyssa perfectly.
What Does Name “Alyssa” Mean
Powerful and complete. You are good intellectually and require several outlets for your energies. You are not a builder but a planner, and you want others to carry out your plans. You are bold, independent, inquisitive and interested in research. You know what you want and why you want it.You are seeking freedom, opportunities to enjoy life: to make love, to go places and to do things. You are very adventurous and willing to take risk to achieve your objectives. New ways and new experiences can’t satisfy your restless nature. One adventure leads you to another. You are honest and fair, because you know that this is the only way to receive justice and honesty from other people. But your personal growth is vital for your, and it is difficult to be tied down by rules and obligations. Your restless spirit might best controlled by choosing the field of work that meet your demand for action and adventure.
Yup, that’s our baby!
Over the course of the next day she was tested and monitored and finally, we were told why her ventricles were dilated. It was because her corpus callosum was missing causing the ventricles to have more fluid. We met again with Dr. Cochrane, the Neurosurgeon. Again he was great but sadly, since there were no continuous studies being done on children with Alyssa’s condition, he said he couldn’t offer much in the way of future expectations. He told us that she was in perfect health and meeting all newborn criteria for normal behavior. He did want to see her again when she was one year old.
We didn’t know what to think, until we talked to Dr. Farquharson, who reaffirmed what Dr. Cochrane said, our baby was healthy. One of the last things he said to us before discharge, 4 days later was, “take your baby home, enjoy her, treat her normally.”
As we were packing up, one of the nurses came in to make sure we were okay and we expressed our thanks and told her what an amazing experience we had had during our stay at Grace Hospital. She went on to tell us we couldn’t have had a better Doctor in Dr Farquharson. Sadly, he and his wife had lost a baby son to SIDS only a few months prior. I have often thought of him and his baby son. I was determined to be the best mother I could be for our daughter.
So we took her home. We loved her. We enjoyed her. But we didn’t treat her normally. Something profound had changed us and we knew there was no going back. We felt lucky to have a healthy child but we also knew that since there was a brain abnormality present, we had to do everything we could to stimulate her brain, make neuron connections and help her thrive.
And so started the journey of stimulating our little daughter’s brain as much as we were able. Of course, I chose to breast feed which offered our child the perfect formula for her growing brain and body. And then, I took the training I had as a fitness instructor and set up “stations” around our home.
In the early days of her life, she would move from a station on the floor with a tripod of bright coloured hanging toys over head, to a blanket for her “tummy time,” so she could look at all the books that I had set up around her. She would lift up her little head to see all the pictures and then fall down with exhaustion. I would move her to the next station.
Then she had another station sitting in a reclining chair with a tray with a few toys and I would play all sorts of classical and baroque music. We also got into the habit of bathing her in the morning and the evening as she seemed to love water and even though babies don’t get overly dirty, the idea of water as being a therapy made sense.
We would do physical therapy as I would sing to her, telling her what a smart and beautiful baby she was. I would pump her little legs, singing to row, row, row, your boat, and cross her little arms too. She seemed to enjoy moving her body. I think her favourite station was just being on the floor with our Siamese cat, Ninja, laying close by. She loved to reach for his whiskers and he was always gentle with her.
As she got older, (6 months) we enrolled her in aquatic classes and as a toddler, I put her in classes at our local recreation center where she would crawl under and over things, play on mats with other children and of course we would sing songs in a circle group setting.
At her one year check up with Dr. Cochrane, at the Children’s Hospital in Vancouver, he felt she was doing great. Although she wasn’t walking she was in the range of normal development. I was very concerned about her not walking but now that I look back, she only weighed 18 pounds at a year and also her temperment was such, that she wasn’t going to do anything, until she could do it perfectly. I had no idea that this was going to be her personality.
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| Alyssa at 1 year of age |
Over the years we saw that time and time again.
We continued to expose her to music and swimming. In addition, she took art classes in the summer, was involved in Science camps and also played a bit of soccer. She loved to visit the library and plowed through endless stacks of books. When she wasn’t reading, or drawing, she was sitting at our dining room table putting large puzzels together. Something she and my mom loved to do together.
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| Three generations, Me, Alyssa’s grandma, “Umma” and Alyse as a toddler |
Playing piano and swimming are both right and left brain activities and they very well may have helped to rewire her brain so it was functioning at a high level. I’ll never forget in her first year of ballet when she was just 5, she wanted to quit because she couldn’t skip. I told her that if she knew how to skip or do any ballet poses, she wouldn’t need to go to classes. Further, that the purpose of taking lessons was to learn these things. Almost by the next class she started skipping and also learned to persevere when things weren’t always easy.
When she was only 8, we took her to see Riverdance in Vancouver and she was mesmerized by the soft dancers with their high kicks and the clicking heels making music. As soon as we heard of an Irish Dance teacher coming to our community, we signed Alyssa up for lessons. For about 8 years, she enjoyed dancing to lyrical Irish tunes and with her bouncing ringlets competed in many Feis. (Irish Dance competitions)
By the time Alyssa was in Grade 12, she was an excellent student, an accomplished pianist, completing her grade 10 Royal Conservatory requirements in just one year, played flute in the school band and had played in the Youth Symphony, was an Irish dancer, she had become a lifeguard and later would become a swimming instructor. She was passionate about literature and history. One of the earliest pictures we have of her is surrounded by books while listening to classical music. These were all the strong foundations in her life.
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| June 14, 2008….High School Grad |
And now, here she is 25 years old. She has achieved her Bachelor of Arts, majoring in English, minoring in Greek and Roman studies and last year she completed her Bachelor of Education degree. She has taught piano, swimming and now is over in the U.K. teaching teenagers, “English,” of all things. Her love is creative writing and I’m sure, with a bit of time, a novel is only a breath away and when it comes it it will be as unique as she is and hopefully well received. After all, she has an interesting way of detaching herself from life and observing it through a magical lens. She lives an authentic life and follows her heart.
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| Alyssa finally living her dream…traveling to historic places…adventuring |
What is that saying about the teacher appearing when the student is ready? Well, whether I was ready or not, she arrived exactly when she was meant. She has taught me that life isn’t always easy, we don’t always get a fair shake but it’s what we make of it that really matters. Life is endlessly interesting.
The other night, David and I were watching the biography of Glenn Gould, who was an extremely talented pianist born in 1932. He became quite famous for his unique style of playing. During his early years he was told to sing while playing his pieces. Also, one of his instructors taught him to hit the piano keys in a way that allowed his brain to process them individually. His playing was clear and precise. Another thing that was rather quirky was that he carried a rather low set chair, which he insisted on using at all concerts, although it looked awkward.
How was his brain wired?
What created this genius?
Whose to say what is normal?
Our daughter, has exceeded all of our expectations for her. She has talents and abilities that take people a lifetime to achieve. Also, many people spend their lifetime trying to fit in and please others but she has learned that to be truly successful in life means, being true to yourself. She is showing me what an authentic life looks like. She does classify herself as an introvert (like Glenn Gould) and is quick to point out, it’s a good thing.
After all, it’s the introverts that create magic, music and great literature.
limitless.
If you are interested in reading more about people with missing corpus callosums check out this hyperlink. It’s fascinating!
We use chunks of dark chocolate with almonds in this recipe and it’s decadent.
Serve alone, or with whipped cream….or with ice cream.
LET YOUR IMAGINATION BE YOUR GUIDE.
Now when I think of my daughter Alyssa, many different music pieces come to mind. A lot of Debussy and Mozart, which I used to play for her as she was drifting off to sleep as a baby and a child.
Then there is her Irish music that she used to dance to, and finally there is the Soundtrack to the Lord of the Rings, …in particular, “In Dreams” which she and her brother Clark used to play together.
To end this post though, I thought I would include the Bach’s Italian Concerto which she played as one of her pieces during her ARCT (Royal Conservatory Exam)
