The Walls We Build

Family Life, Gardening, Soul work / By


My husband David and I are building a wall. It’s in our back yard, behind the house we built twenty five years ago.  Our house sits on a third of an acre, on a sloping hillside property above Kalamalka Lake, which National Geographic has claimed to be one of the ten most beautiful lakes in the world. Over a hundred years ago, this land was the spring and summer home for the Salish Peoples of the British Columbia Interior. They hunted, fished and gathered berries and grew crops on this hillside.

When our rural community of Coldstream was settled, mostly by British ruling immigrants one hundred years ago, our land was heavily planted with fruit orchards. Then as the area grew, and the demand for housing with it, the trees were systematically taken down and our subdivision was developed.  Our home used to be on the highest road on the hillside and our cul- de- sac was the coveted place to live. Since then, the whole mountain has been consumed with construction and we now rest smack in the middle of a hoard of large homes. 

 

A view of Kalamalka Lake from our upper deck

 

 

 We have many walls on our property. We built most of them using large river bed rocks. The first spring we were in our house we had a dump truck load of river bed rocks delivered to our front yard. Later that same day, our builder called to say they wanted to come and form our drive-way the next day. Isn’t it funny that we had lived with a dirt drive way for 4 months and the day we have a ton of rocks delivered, our builder suddenly wants to form and pave our drive way? Some would call it, Murphy’s law but I just call it life and another lesson in letting go.

David with baby Clark and Alyssa looking at the hill in our front yard that we have to retain

 

 

The day of the rock delivery and our builder’s announcement, David came home from work and grimly started moving rock. We had waited four months to have our drive way put in and there was no way we were going to ask for an extension, since our builder was now side tracked building other homes, and we didn’t know when he would put some of his crew back to come and finish our home. I joined David in the yard, after tucking our two children into bed. It felt like they would never settle. Our three year old daughter Alyssa kept asking me to read, “just one more book,” and it took forever for our four month old son, Clark to finally drift to sleep at the breast. I had moved him from side to side to side until at last, with warm milk trickling from the side of his mouth, he pulled away from the breast with a contented smile and heavy lids. I put him down gently into his crib and grabbed my work gloves. David asked, “is he all tanked up?” and I replied, “yes, I’m all yours for at least four more hours.”

 David had already moved a sizeable chunk of rocks and I knew he was getting punchy as he started to sing the “working on the chain gang,” song over and over. The sky grew dark and I turned on all the lights at the front of our house so we could see what we were doing. I started to sing the chain gang song with David and we laughed with exhaustion as the stars twinkled over head. The larger rocks we rolled to the new location in our front yard but for most of them, we picked them up and carried them over to the growing pile, then dropped them. This made a huge crack sound as they hit the rocks below and I’m sure, to our new neighbours, it must have sounded like a gun going off every few minutes. Finally, just before midnight we moved our last rock and baby Clark was waking to ask for a fill up.

“Lakelin Reach” before the drive way or side walk was formed….you can see the pool steps in the garage so the pool wasn’t even put in at this stage…oh the trim on the windows was not painted yet….the house has changed a lot in the last 25 years..see updated picture below

 As it turned out, our builder decided that they couldn’t form the drive way the next day and if memory serves, they didn’t come for several more weeks. Another lesson in surrender and for some, it would have created the belief that contractors are unreliable. For me it created the belief that David and I working together can do anything. 

David, Alyssa and Clark in front of the rock walls we built in our front yard
Sorry, picture crooked but yep, that’s me with the kids in the front yard….wow the plants have really grown since then….see below for a recent picture

 

 

Those rocks were the first of  several deliveries that arrived, allowing us the material to build walls and terraces throughout our yard, in the effort to create flatter living areas in our outside spaces. David got very good at looking at a pile of rocks and remembering the size and quality of each and like a jig saw puzzle, he put each piece exactly where it belonged. 

I was never so happy to see the last rock placed on that final wall 19 years ago and Baby Clark was over 6 years old and two little brothers had joined our family. I often wonder if our rock wall building obsession, in his formative years created a love for rocks in him. For years, I had to ruthlessly check his jean pockets for rocks before putting them in the wash. Last year, he graduated with a Science degree in Earth and Environmental studies; basically it’s the undergrad to becoming a geologist. Isn’t it true that we often come back to what we were raised with and what we learned to know well?

 

 The walls we are building now, are to replace two landscape tie walls, each 50 feet wide and 3 feet high, that have rotted over the last 25 years. They were built above our pool to retain two terraced beds. At the time of construction, we just wanted to create two useful walls and in my wildest dreams I never thought we would live in our house long enough to have to replace them. Life is endlessly interesting and I never fail to be surprised with how things unfold! This time though, we are taking it slow, as we know this will be the last walls we build. David and I are getting older and we realize this is not just a wall, but a piece of the legacy we leave on our property.

In this picture you can see our pool to the left and the landscape retaining walls above…Alyssa playing with her plastic farm animals while David builds a rock wall to the right of the pool area

 

Three years later, our second son Mitchell was born in 1996 and in the rear of this picture you can see the landscape retaining wall and one of the rock walls built with rocks found from our own property as we were landscaping it….we are in fact on a mountain side so there were lots of rocks

 

We haven’t had a shipment of rocks delivered this time since there really isn’t a place to dump them and besides, we want to carefully select the rocks for our new walls. This summer we have been methodically taking down the landscape tie wall, section by section and moving the rotting remains to the dump in our family van. Then several times a week, when we have a spare evening, we take a drive  into the nearby mountains to search for rocks. 

The river bed rocks are just on the side of logging roads up in the mountains. Picking them ourselves gives us exactly the size and shape of rocks we want. If we were to have a ton delivered, even if we had somewhere to put them, we would receive round rocks, really large rocks and then some too small to work with as well. Picking them ourselves is hard work but we get what we want…and the price is right!

 

Thankfully, we have found a large mother lode of them off an old logging road where it looks like there once was a creek running through the area. As we lift our carefully selected rocks that have been settled into the ground for  eons, it almost feels like a sacred ritual. David and I compete to see who lifts the biggest rock, or finds the nicest looking one. We smile at each other as we pass, hefting large boulders  into the back of our van.

These rocks silent but heavy, with memory of days long past, are 

relics reminding us of our impermanence on this earth.

Our van holds just enough rocks to build a 3 to 6 foot wide wall, 3 feet high…here are just a few we found one evening

 

As this is the type of work that is physically intense, but one in which the mind is free, I’ve been reflecting on our building material and on other types of walls; the walls we build inside ourselves. The walls that are built by our belief system, many formed when we are children, others through life experiences as we grow. Walls laden heavy with what we believe to be true, walls weighted with judgement regarding how we should maneuver through our life. 

Years ago, I took a three part course called, “The Pursuit of Excellence.” The second part of the course was called, “The Wall,” and it took place on Orcas Island, near Seattle Washington. It was there, during some very effective self discovery exercises and out of my comfort zone experiences, that I discovered I had built many walls in my short 29 years of living. In fact, many were preventing me from experiencing a life rich and full. Those walls dictated what I felt I could or could not do in my life. During that pivotal long weekend course, I kicked down walls built on fear and shifted instead into a landscape full of endless possibilities.

 

So similar to the foundations we provided for our son Clark to learn to love rocks, I learned as a young adult while on Orcas Island to break down my walls and let go of my belief systems that were preventing me from living my best life. If I couldn’t knock those walls down, at least I could jump over them and see the possibilities on the other side. I also connected deeply with other strangers whom I met at that long weekend training session and realized we basically all want the same things on this planet; to be happy, to be loved, to live in peace, to make connections with others and to live a meaningful life.

 

As I lift these boulders and drop them at the base of what will be our new wall, I think about the family who may live in our house in a hundred years from now. Will they wonder about the Reynolds family who built this house, the family who raised eight children on this property? Perhaps they will find little plastic farm animals that our children often play with as we are building our rock walls.

The world is changing but not fast enough for me.

The beginning of our new walls…we are almost half way across. We plan to put a set of steps up the middle so you can easily go up to the hot tub from the pool

 

The wall from another angle….I can’t wait to have herbs, perennials, and maybe some watermelon growing in the beds above the pool…this area gets all day sun so is perfect for growing flowers of all kinds…bringing the bees and butterflies to our yard is important for our edible garden

 

Twenty five years ago we built this house….you can hardly see it from the road any longer with all the plants that have grown in our rock wall terraced beds

 

Seriously I need to get the pruning shears out soon but here is the last rock wall we built 19 years ago…in the corner is a little pond with fountain spray…this is the bottom of our drive way

 

This is the same area, 25 years later, of the picture of the hillside I showed you above…these two terraced rock wall beds give us lovely privacy in our front yard and the bonus of having a drive way that goes down…the kid’s balls don’t go out onto the road…they are safe…that is unless they don’s sled down our drive way in the winter time….although it’s been done!

There are more walls that need to be taken down……

Last Friday, there was a protest by white nationalists in Charlottesville, Virginia, a quiet college town. They were carrying torches and chanting horrific racist remarks and at the end of it all, a young woman was dead and many more injured. 

 

And for what I keep asking myself? It’s the same old wall that holds up the belief that if you don’t look like me, if you don’t believe what I believe, then you must be eradicated from this earth. When is this fear and hatred going to end on this planet? I often think it’s strange that we don’t see the Indigenous people’s marching against the invasion of immigrants to North America. They certainly have more right to do so than these white nationalist, who seem to think they were the first ones to come to this land.
 Anyway,  here I am, trying to remain impartial and only observe and yet, judgement creeps into my consciousness at every turn. 
WHAT HOPE DOES THIS WORLD HAVE?

 

I lift my quiet watchers of the world and place them on our land, hoping that in a hundred years from now things will be different. Hoping, some of the barriers that are preventing this earth from being a place of peace will have been broken down. People will finally realize that we are all connected on this planet and when hatred and violence occurs, like a pebble being thrown into a pond, the ripples reverberate out to the farthest shore and touch us all. 

With that same knowledge I believe peaceful thoughts do the same and so, with that in mind I head out to our backyard and recite my prayer,

“May all beings be well, happy and peaceful.”

 

 

The rocks are watching.

As I say goodbye to you today, I’m singing, “What’s Going On,” with Marvin Gaye. Please join me, and let’s keep taking down walls of racism and hatred and build a world full of peace and love.

Until we meet again, may you be well, happy and peaceful.

Blessings from Hope