When our now 5 year old son, Will started preschool 2 years ago, I thought there may be some serious adjustment issues because on day one, when he was introduced to his new teacher he immediately gave her a huge hug. I thought it was loving and kind and watched with joy but I soon learned such physical demonstration were not appropriate.
You see, I had never experienced any of our children being so openly friendly before. When they met people for the first time I was concerned whether they would even make eye contact, let alone extend their hand in greeting. So Will’s physical exuberance and outgoing personality delighted his father and I. We felt we had finally hit on the right way to raise our children and Will was exuding the trust and love he had received in our care.
Not that we hadn’t nurtured his older siblings but before I was even pregnant with him I felt a connection to this joy filled soul and once I finally got pregnant, I was in a state of bliss. I would breathe deeply into my womb and send light filled energy to our baby. The moment he was born we felt like he illuminated this light. The feeling of extreme gratitude and appreciation for Will continued for the first three years of his life. The sun kind of rose and set on him if you will.
When you live in a family where everyone is delighted with you, the boundaries may not be very clear regarding behavior issues. After all, there was nothing he did for the first 3 years that needed correcting to any degree. His twin sisters were still babies when he started preschool so there was no competition for toys at home, there was no jealousy whatsoever, in fact he treasured his baby sisters and was very protective of them.
Also, I was trying to raise our new son with his innate spirit intact for as long as I could without introducing any fear or negativity. I don’t think this is the normal rearing techniques for the average child in this day and age, so of course I should not have been surprised to find the preschool situation creating a host of learning experiences for our son.
As the preschool year progressed, Will’s teachers were constantly telling me of situations where Will’s behavior had to be corrected. I felt they were being overly concerned over minor issues because while yes, he needed some guidance with regards to asking nicely to share an item etc., he was extremely caring, demonstrating this towards a little boy who had serious learning challenges. Even though my gut said he was exceptional, I knew we needed to prepare him for kindergarten by setting firm boundaries in an atmosphere where our son could retain his wonderful spirit.
Now I must add, that many of his peers were probably more on the introverted side. They were quiet, cautious and wary of strangers, typical behavior for a 3 year old. Some were still working on their verbal skills, so Will’s physical presence and outgoing nature seemed to be magnified next to them. Other than reminding him of people’s space and for him to use his words instead of using his body to communicate, we were at a loss as to how to best teach the required social skills.
It also occurred to both his teachers and I that the more he was reprimanded on his behavior, both at school and at home, the worse it became. As he was preparing for his second year of preschool I was seriously thinking of homeschooling him since there weren’t a lot of other preschool options in our small town and our current one was having issues with his behavior state. This was one of the best preschools in town and our other children had attended with great success so with reluctance Will started his 2nd year. I hoped that now that he was four, we would find some improvement. Although he was making progress, there were still days when I would pick him up and his teacher would relate several incidents. I could feel him shrinking in front of me when a situation was discussed.
To avoid him feeling like something was wrong with him, before settling him down for his quiet time in the afternoons and at bedtime, I would hold him close and whisper, what a beautiful soul he was and how brightly his light shined. He had come to earth exactly at the right time as he was teaching us all to be kind, loving and happy. He would nod and say, “yes mommy, I really shine with love.”
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| This is a sculpture that my mother gave me that sits outside our master bedroom on our lower deck. |
Finally one day his teacher lent me a book called, “How Full is Your Bucket,” by Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer. I knew as soon as I read it that the concept might work for Will. Will too liked the idea of carrying an invisible bucket on his head. I found an ice cream bucket and took it to school the next day and asked the teacher to read the story to the class and whenever Will did something that filled a friend’s bucket by saying something kind or sharing nicely, or “asking” if they wanted a hug, he would get a little tear shaped piece of paper with the good deed written on it and it would be placed in “his” bucket.
The more Will’s bucket filled, the fewer and fewer incidence of inappropriate social behavior occurred. In fact as the year ended, Will became a leader in proper social skills and his teacher gave him a little silver bucket to remind him how wonderfully successful he had been and how far he had come.
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| Will’s little silver bucket | ‘ |
Whenever I see the little bucket it reminds me that when I’m irritated or impatient with my children (and that is daily with 8 kids I can tell you!) it usually is because my bucket is empty. Caring for my children lovingly, saying a nice thing to a friend or giving my husband a hug at the end of the day, all are ways that I can refill my bucket and my well “being.”
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| Our beautiful Will at preschool grad |
Since summer is ending soon and school will start, (we hope, since in B.C. our teachers went on strike at the end of the year so time will tell if school starts back in 2 weeks) I thought this was a good time to share the bucket story if you haven’t already heard about it.
And this is a good time as well to say “thank you” for reading my blog posts. Today my blog hit over a thousand views which is amazing. I thought maybe only a few would ever check it out. When my kids heard me shout with happiness after checking my blog stats today they said, “let’s make a cake to celebrate.” Ha, guess who made the cake? I wish you could all join me by having a piece tonight…. but at the very least, I just wanted to make sure you know how grateful I am for you, my readers. Thank you!
I hope you enjoy the following video…..and your bucket is over flowing.
video here
Until I see you again,
May your bucket be full, and you be well, happy and peaceful.
Blessings from Hope
