For there is no friend like a sister in calm and stormy weather. To cheer one on the tedious way, To fetch one if one goes astray. To lift one if one totters down, To strengthen whilst one stands ~Christina Rossetti~

The above piece was written by an English poet, who lived during the Victorian era in London. Christina Rossetti was ahead of her time, being born almost 200 hundred years ago, she became a leading feminist, as she was able to support herself with her craft, when class and gender bias was rampant. When I read about women such as this, it inspires me to keep going. It’s not always easy to be a mom to a large family. It’s not always easy to be an older mom to young children. People have such huge judgments about what is right, ethical and proper. If she could overcome society’s ingrained beliefs back then, then I can keep going in the 21 century, trying my best to open people’s eyes to our true nature.

We aren’t our gender, our colour, our religion, our class, our marital status, our sexual preference, our religion, our political party membership, or our  age. We aren’t the house we live in, the car we drive,  what we do for a living or how much money we earn. We are, what is deep inside each of us. And for each of us, the journey within can take a lifetime. Some never discover their true self.  

Summer was flying along on the wings of butterflies and was carrying me breezily through my days. The children were busy going to camp, taking tennis and swimming lessons, and I was happily in the garden, digging in the dirt, laying mulch and tending to our new chicken flock. Every spare moment was gloriously full. I lose myself outdoors, in the garden, in a forest, on the beach or in the country. Being close to nature keeps me grounded and connected to all things. It feeds my soul, allows my heart to sing and makes me feel peaceful.  

My lazy summer reverie was shattered two weeks ago.

After having a busy week at home, I stopped in for a visit at my cyber parenting board and discovered a horrendous tragedy had happened to my dear board bud and her family. I have been fortunate to share my parenting path with a group of wise and intelligent women for several years now and I never thought anything negative would occur being actively on the internet. Yes, naive on my part but the need to connect with other women who are walking a similar path, was a strong pull. 

Don’t we all feel more comfortable when we find “our people.” You know a bosom buddy who just gets us. Someone who shares many of the same things in life and understands how rocky and wonderful the path can be at times. Living in the 21 century affords us the technological luxury to connect quickly to like-minded friends all over the world. It’s such a blessing and now I also see the negative side as well.

I am not going to go into the tragic event that occurred, as it’s not my story to tell. What I want to share is what happened to me and my other board buds who were shocked and grieving for our friend and her family. This is the side tragedy that often accompanies painful events. Anger is one of the first emotions that rises up after a horrific loss and the reaction often is “who can I blame.”

 We had unwelcome guests coming on our board (which has always felt like our safe, private living room) spewing hate and horrible judgments towards our board friend and us as well. It shook me to the core, as I have not experienced that level of hatred and abuse in my life. I always look for the best in others but sadly, I see that there are those who do consciously choose to harm with intent. The fact that they feel their judgment is the righteous one, does not make their hateful remarks justified or above reproach.  

These people lurk in the shadow of anonymity and must derive some sort of satisfaction from stirring up controversy. It gives them a sense of power, perhaps and also feeds their ego when they create havoc. “Sick, and perverse,” is all I can say about this kind of behavior. All the things that they “claim” are wrong about everyone else, is something they should recognize in themselves.

I am not going to get caught up in this drama though, since I have a life to live and I have children to lead. At the end of my days, I hope I can look back on my life and say, I didn’t waste any moments by being negative or intentional mean. What is gained when we travel that path? There are going to be great times of grief, that is part of life, but knowing how to observe the feelings without reacting is a powerful tool and then flowing through the emotions with the least amount of resistance is key to healing. Yes, things will never be the same again, but with each experience we grow wiser.

What prompted this blog post today was watching nature and realizing it has much to teach me. Recently, we had a summer storm. The sky became dark and the clouds opened up, spilling torrential rain, like the tears I’ve shed for my cyber-friend and her children. Winds whipped up, filling our house with penetrating cold air. 

The kids were transfixed, sitting safely on our window seat in the kitchen watching the changing sky, and the swirling lake below our home. They watched as buckets of water rolled off our decks to the gardens below. It occurred to me they were still young enough to have not experienced this kind of extreme weather pattern in their life. Certainly not too many summer storms since first, they have only lived a few summers and 2, we don’t experience this kind of weather disturbance in the summer in our valley.

Suddenly, I heard them get excited and as they opened the french door and raced out to our deck, I followed them. There they were, ooohing and ahhhing over the double rainbow in the sky.

  Mother nature is always teaching me how to walk this earth and my children are reminding me to live in the moment, to enjoy the experience and always, ALWAYS look for beauty and joy. 

This morning I woke up to another beautiful summer day. The sky couldn’t have been more blue. I’m still grieving for my friend and her family, I still feel tremendous pain and hurt from the recent personal attacks towards my board buds and myself, but I’m not going to spend precious life moments being concerned about what others think of me or my friends.

I know judgments are largely fear based and if you know anything about me, I try really hard not to live in that place. It’s too dark and it’s also only a matter of perspective. What we don’t understand, what we have been taught to believe, we are scared of. It’s human nature. I think about Christina Rossetti, the poet who lived in a time when women didn’t choose to remain single and work for a living, doing what they were most passionate about. What did her peers say during that time?

With the advent of the latest tragedy, and the attacks on the internet, instead of breaking me down, I have been inspired to rise up and be the best “me” that I can be. Can ANY of us ask anything more from ourselves? or others in our lives?

And so today is a day of healing. A day to move forward, for even though I’m grieving, (and some days grief is continuous on this earth don’t ya think?) I need to help all my children continue to stay in a place of being conscious and in the moment. I don’t want them to lose this gift from childhood. It’s a choice…I will keep getting stronger, despite grief and sadness and I will follow my children’s lead and look for the beauty in our world. And perhaps I can help others move through life always with hope in their hearts.

  And what do children love more than fun….it’s when it’s fun and SWEET. Join us in making some old fashion ice cream. It’s easy and delicious.

Our oldest son has worked at the local Science Centre throughout his University years. (he recently received his Science degree) He was originally hired as a summer student to plan science programs for kids but they kept him on throughout the year and he’s been making ice cream, flubber, mento rockets, etc  off and on for 4 years during Saturday Serious fun at the centre. Our younger kids are so lucky to have this Science geek big brother as he LOVES teaching and experimenting with his younger siblings.  It’s the joy of having kids all sorts of ages in our house.

Here’s what you need to make Homemade Ice-cream

The kids with ice, cream, salt, cocoa, freezer bags….oops where is the vanilla?

Ingredients and Supplies

1. 1 Large Freezer Bag

2. 1 Medium Freezer Bag

3. 1 cup of half and half/whipping cream (or even whole milk works)

4. 1/2 cup of salt

5. 2 tbsp of sugar

6. 1 tsp of vanilla

(to make chocolate use 2 tbsp of cocoa)

7. Big bag of ice

Directions:

Add the half and half, the sugar, vanilla and the cocoa into the medium freezer bag. Zip well, making sure most of the air has been removed

Put the medium freezer bag into the large one and surround it with ice and salt. Zip the bigger bag, again removing excess air.

 Now the fun begins and you can pass the large freezer bag around, shaking and turning the larger bag while pressing the medium bag around inside of it. Keep checking the bag with the cream until it becomes the consistency you want your ice cream.

Here’s Clark checking to make sure the excess air is out of the bag

While the kids were taking turns making the ice cream, I was finding toppings…..the skies the limit but we used raspberries, chocolate chips and crumbled chocolate cookies we had made the day before for our toppings. This was just simple fun and again taught another sustainable lesson. Now we just need the cow!

On my journey to growing our family and becoming an older mother, I had lots of moments to think about who I am and what I can offer my children. It was while I was sitting in quiet contemplation when most of the insights came to me. Sitting on my yoga mat and thinking, “Be Still And Know I AM.” 

If you are experiencing a tough time right now, or everything in your life is dark, take a moment, sit quietly and just BE Still. Stay present with your breath, allowing it to move in and out, in and out. In time, you will discover you are a piece of everything; loving, limitless, ageless fearless. And peace will come.

  As the last days of summer close, join me in singing a song my kid’s (especially my William (Will I AM) loves to sing in his clear, sweet voice.) Click the hyperlink if you can’t get to the video below. Here’s Will i am, singing, “What I am.” 

Want to sing along with us? Here are the lyrics….keep on reaching high!

Until we meet again, may you be well, happy and peaceful,

Blessings from Hope

“What I Am”
If what I am is what’s in me
Then I’ll stay strong – that’s who I’ll be
And I will always be the best
“me” that I can be.
There’s only one me, I am it
Have a dream I’ll follow it
It’s up to me to try.
Oh! I’m a keep my head up high
Keep on reaching high
Never gonna quit
I’ll be getting stronger.
And nothing’s gonna bring me down (no!)
Never gonna stop, gotta go.
Because I know
I’ll keep getting stronger.
And what I am is thoughtful
What I am is musical
What I am is smart
And what I am is brave
What I am is helpful
What I am is special
There’s nothing I can’t achieve.
Because in myself I believe in oh…
Gonna keep our heads up high
Keep on reaching high
Never gonna quit
Just keep getting stronger.